TOMORROWKNOWS

THANKS FOR THE UPDATE, SHERLOCK

"The citizens have to realize that the storm has disrupted our ability to make and distribute gasoline."

George Bush

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IN THE MIDST OF CHAOS, MIKE FRANKLIN WAXES SOCIOLOGIC

NEW ORLEANS (AP) — With much of the city emptied by Hurricane Katrina, some opportunists took advantage of the situation by looting stores.

At the Walgreen's store in the French Quarter, people were running out with grocery baskets and coolers full of soft drinks, chips and diapers.

Denise Bollinger, a tourist from Philadelphia, stood outside and snapped pictures in amazement.

"It's downtown Baghdad," the housewife said. "It's insane. I've wanted to come here for 10 years. I thought this was a sophisticated city. I guess not."

Around the corner on Canal Street, the main thoroughfare in the central business district, people sloshed headlong through hip-deep water as looters ripped open the steel gates on the front of several clothing and jewelry stores.

One man, who had about 10 pairs of jeans draped over his left arm, was asked if he was salvaging things from his store.

"No," the man shouted, "that's EVERYBODY'S store."

Looters filled industrial-sized garbage cans with clothing and jewelry and floated them down the street on bits of plywood and insulation as National Guard lumbered by.

Mike Franklin stood on the trolley tracks and watched the spectacle unfold.

"To be honest with you, people who are oppressed all their lives, man, it's an opportunity to get back at society," he said.

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WHO'S GOT TIME TO COOK?

Restaurant boss in raw - tipsters

Is he subway flasher?

Camera phone shot of suspected perv.

Cops want to question a Manhattan restaurant owner after getting numerous tips that he's the subway flasher caught in the act by camera phone, police sources said last night.
Nearly two dozen people have phoned the Daily News and the NYPD to say they believe Dan Hoyt, co-owner of raw-food eateries called Quintessence, is the man whose photo appeared on the cover of Saturday's paper.

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NATURAL CURES KEVIN TRUDEAU DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT

Ailment / Cure / Source

Warts / Dead Cat / Tom Sawyer

Hangover / More Drink / I learned it in high school

Thirst / Water / My dog

Runny Nose / Sniffle / Every kid

Crankiness / A Nap / All moms

DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED

Lawyer held in child sex cyberchats

A Jericho lawyer chatted up an Internet pen pal he thought was a 13-year-old girl and arranged to have sex with her, prosecutors said.

The "teen" was actually an investigator who surfs cyberspace looking for pedophiles and child porn distributors.

Jan Kabas, a 53-year-old real estate attorney, is accused of using the screen name "Speciman 29" while trolling an AOL chat room called "I love older men."

It was there that he began a six-week dialogue with someone he thought was a young girl, who was in fact a member of the Long Island Chapter of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children, authorities said.

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THE WARNING

IT WAS TOO EASY. I KNEW THERE HAD TO BE A CATCH.

"People are trying to adjust to this sudden, dramatic price hike while they maintain their lifestyles. If they are putting all this on credit cards, holy cow! People who did not have a credit-card problem will suddenly have one.

The big problem with credit cards is that they do not create money, even though people seem to think they do."

Christopher Coyne, associate professor of finance at St. Joseph's University Haub School of Business, and a certified financial planner.

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NEWS FROM ANOTHER PLANET

For the uninitiated, Ms. Bice, 66, is the founder of Quacker Factory, a maker of appliqué sweaters and tunics and elastic-waist pants, the sort that typically are adorned with sequins and rhinestones and other doodads, in nautical, floral or holiday motifs. They are, in the words of the founder, "whimsical designs that help a woman feel better about herself."

Sold exclusively through QVC, Quacker Factory clothes are a $50 million-a-year business whose fans demonstrate a special brand of loyalty: when one spies another wearing one of Ms. Bice's distinctive designs, they quack at each other.

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THAT'S NOTHING. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN WHAT THEY DID TO THE CABLE GUY.

Electric Company Worker Has Ear Bitten Off

TBILISI, Georgia (AP) - Villagers in Georgia beat up an electric company employee and bit one of his ears off after he threatened to shut their power off for nonpayment, police in the former Soviet republic said Tuesday.

The attack occurred Monday in Kvemo Arkvani, about 55 miles southeast of Tbilisi, when regional utility worker Elshad Tagimov told some residents he was going to turn off their electricity because they were late in paying their bills, regional police officer Temur Maisuradze said. He gave no further details of the incident.

The small, former Soviet republic is plagued by frequent power outages, and non-payment is a constant problem for its utilities. The Tbilisi electric company recently cut off supplies to 300 state bodies because of debts accumulated in previous years.

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THAT'S A LOT OF SCRATCHY TOWELS

Kmart: Big buys, bigger lies

SEC lawsuit alleges former executives concealed actions in retailer's spiral

Former Kmart Corp. Chief Executive Officer Chuck Conaway and his chief financial officer deceived investors to hide the fact that the company made $850 million in "extraordinary and reckless" inventory purchases -- lies that prevented the public from realizing the Troy-based company was headed for collapse, a federal lawsuit filed Tuesday said.

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NOT THE BOROWITZ REPORT

Oil prices surged to a new record high yesterday after the news came in that the Yankees had lost yet another game and may not qualify for the off-season.

"The prospect of thousands of Yankees fans driving around with nowhere to go this fall really spooked the market ," said noted analyst Gerald Olfatz.

Even though supplies are higher than ever, it's been a season of shocks, said Olfatz. "We had the safe return of the space shuttle, something few had expected. We've had meteor showers. We've had disappearing coeds. It's been really hot in parts of the country and really rainy in other places How could prices not skyrocket?"

Reacting to the news, White House spokesman Sam Snape blamed the recent increases on peace protesters encamped outside the president's ranch in Crawford, TX.

"Think of the gas these people wasted coming down here," Snape said. "And we have also learned that they are running two very inefficient generators to power air conditioners inside their tent."

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NOT THE DRUDGE REPORT

Developing:

PAT ROBERTSON CALLS FOR ASSASSINATION OF PRESIDENT ....

of Venezuaela

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IS IT JUST ME?

Is is just me or have people been vanishing at an alarming rate recently? There's that coed, disappeared in Aruba. There's Olivia Newton John's man friend, gone while fishing. There's a tall girl from Columbus, Ohio, gone as well.

What I think is.... Hold on a second, there was just a big flash and now some kind of spaceship is hovering in my back yard. I'm going out to investigate, be right back.

OH, AT FIRST I THOUGHT THEY MEANT MICE WHO SOLD STOLES AND SUCH

Furrier Mice Yield Stem-Cell Discovery

By making mice grow furrier coats, researchers have discovered that an enzyme known to serve as a last-ditch defense against cancer also activates adult stem cells, which the body uses to repair its tissues.

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DON'T EVEN TELL ME WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET A G4

A rush to purchase US$50 used laptops turned into a violent stampede yesterday, with people getting thrown to the pavement, beaten with a folding chair and nearly driven over. One woman went so far as to wet herself rather than surrender her place in line.

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JUMPIN JESUS CHRIST. IS THERE A "DO NOT MAIL" LIST FOR THIS THING, OR WHAT?

Warren Smith, the publisher of an evangelical Christian newspaper in Charlotte, N.C., compares the movie "Jesus" to the jawbone of an ass.

That is, it does not matter if the movie, a 1979 box office flop, has a gooey soundtrack and a British voiceover, or if the actor who plays Jesus breathes noticeably as he lies in the tomb. If a weapon as unlikely as a jawbone can slay an army, as the biblical story goes, then "Jesus," direct-mailed on DVD to every household in Mecklenburg County, N.C., can offer salvation.

The Rev. Gerald Bontrager, pastor of Front Street Baptist Church in Statesville, N.C., discussing the "Jesus" video with church members and the Rev. Dale Ellis, right, of New Hope Baptist Church.

"God uses what God uses," Mr. Smith said. "He doesn't check with Warren, or the Motion Picture Academy."

However dated its production values, "Jesus" has come to be viewed by many evangelical Christians as a singularly modern tool for spreading the Gospel. It speaks, though without special effects or quick editing, to a populace fluent in Hollywood. It comes in multiple languages on one disc. It concludes with a "salvation prayer" the viewer can recite with the narrator. Its local distributors consider it so effective that millions of dollars have already been spent toward the goal of delivering a copy to every household in the United States, as if it were free trial software from America Online.

more, nyt

POINT, COUNTERPOINT

The Federal Reserve yesterday raised its key interest rate for the 10th time in 13 months, giving no hint when it might stop.

Fed policy makers voted unanimously to raise the benchmark federal funds rate to 3.5 percent, the highest level in four years. Citing a stronger economy, an improving labor market, and building inflationary pressures, policy makers suggested in a statement, as they have for much of the last year, that they would continue to raise rates at a ''measured" pace, widely interpreted as quarter-point increments.

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From the inimitable Mojo Nixon:

(With Freudian/Political analysis bolded)

"I hate banks...I just can't stand 'em.
Gimme a shovel & man I'll plant 'em.
Six feet under thats where they belong...
I hate banks is the name of this song.
I think I'll rob myself one or two...
Yeah I hate banks, yeah, how 'bout you?
Well...lend me a nickel & lend me a dime,repossess my house any old time.
Financial institutions think they're so high faluting...
Just a bunch of fruits in three piece suits,trying to steal all my loot.
Things are smelling pretty rank,
We must be near a stinking bank.
Smells worse than Rockefellers feet,
Wall Street can eat my meat.
Yeah throw the moneylenders out of the temple;
I hate banks its just that simple.
Royal Crown made of tin,is a metal thing to keep your money in.
Mason jar is okay too,if you see a bank well you know what to do.
Now,lemme tell you people something...
The only banks I like, well, I like Ernie Banks alright.
And I like the banks of the Mississippi River...
Yeah, and I like banks of fender twin reverb...
Electric guitar amplifiers behind me, raging on the stages...
Well,when I walk in they treat me like a dog;
want to hit them in the head with a doo-doo log.
Republicans, one and all...Their talleywhackers are mighty small.
Stealing from the poor gonna give to the rich...
Wanna make the bank president twitch in a ditch.
Yeah, see that teller with the blue hair,giving me the evil-eye stare.
Won't cash my check don't like my ID...got the security guard after me.
If I was E. F. Sloane,I'd say the Dow Jones can suck my bone.
Yeah.Everybody say the three magic words!
I want you to help me say the words!
I want you to repeat after me!
I HATE BANKS! Can't stand 'em!I HATE BANKS!
Don't Like 'em!I HATE BANKS! Bunch of Foo-Foo's!I HATE BANKS!
Like a big zit!I hate banks...I just can't stand 'em.
Gimme a shovel & man I'll plant 'em.
Six feet under thats where they belong...
I hate banks is the name of this song.
I think I'll rob myself one or two...Y
eah I hate banks, yeah, how 'bout you?
Now lemme tell you something...
I'm not real fond of the PHONE COMPANY either!You know?
Yeah, and I don't like the cable TV company.
You know why I don't like the cable TV company?
Cause they just be sucking that stuff right out the sky!
THEY don't have to pay nuttin for it!
I just get me one of them bootleg cable boxes,and get me one of them climb the pole and stick the thing in...I ain't gonna pay for it! NOOOOO!!!!"

IF ONLY MRS. DEFILIPPO HAD BEEN READING OUR SISTER BLOG (InsideDisney) SHE'D HAVE GONE WILLINGLY

Selections:

The Archdiocese of New York is looking into explosive allegations that a top priest who publicly railed against our "sex-saturated society" had a long-term affair with his married church secretary.

Msgr. Eugene Clark allegedly romanced 46-year-old Laura DeFilippo at his Hamptons home and a Long Island motel, according to police and court records.

The accusations against Clark were brought by DeFilippo's husband, Philip, who had an investigator tail the duo to a Hamptons motel - videotaping them last month arriving together and then checking out several hours later.

Philip DeFilippo became suspicious when his wife began working late into the night at the Madison Ave. rectory and balked at joining a family vacation at Disney World.

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AND I DON'T WASTE TIME ON BLOGS

"We're not in the silly business."

Robert Lundgren, COO of RIVR media.

(RIVR produces a range of documentary, reality and how-to series, including "Trading Places," "Nascar Garage," "Tattoo Crazy" and "Date Plate.)

nyt

RIGHT. THE MEDIA SHOULD STOP IGNORING SEX. THAT'S THE PROBLEM

"I'm not against teenagers exploring their sexuality. They should be able to find how to use it in the right way and be responsible about it.

"But I think the media and adults try to ignore sex and ­cover it up, which just sends wrong messages and makes kids more crazy about it. If the media and adults would just deal with it, kids would realize it could be a beautiful thing."

17 yeared old actress Evan Rachel Wood

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NEW POLICY WORKING? SEARCH ME.

In response to the subway bombongs in London, the New York Transit Authority has instituted random searches of bags and belongings carried by subway riders. The Authority has stressed that the searches will be totally random, meaning that any number of young Arab or Middle Eastern looking fellows carrying Osama Bin Laden backpacks will be allowed to enter unchallenged if their number isn't, shall we say, up.

If a bomb carrier is selected and chooses not to be searched, no hard feelings, the prospective bomber is allowed to leave unchecked.

Meanwhile the line of those attempting to enter the subway gets longer and longer as grandmothers, diaperbag- carrying moms, and laptop-toting businessman are searched.

How's this going over? CBS Newsradio 880 asks one intrepid commuter who responds:

"If it makes me feel safer, I don't mind being searched."

TWTWTW

N.Y. Teacher Accused of Raping Boy

ALBANY, N.Y. — A 42-year-old teacher at a Catholic school who was charged with rape for allegedly having sex with an underage male student posted a $20,000 bond Tuesday and was released from jail.

Authorities said Sandra Beth Geisel had sex with four students from the Christian Brothers Academy in Colonie, N.Y., but in three of the cases the boys were 17-years-old and therefore were legally able to give their consent. Geisel faces sexual assault charges for allegedly having sex with a 16-year-old boy.

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Former San Jose teacher pleads guilty to sex acts with students

A former high school chemistry teacher pleaded guilty to having sexual relationships with at least three students.

Earl Thomas Roske, 41, pleaded guilty Monday to two counts of oral copulation with a minor, two counts of using a minor to produce child pornography and two counts of sending harmful matter to a minor.


He was arrested May 6 after a police investigation that was prompted partly by anonymous letters to school administrators. Roske sent sexually explicit images of himself to female students over the Internet, had the students produce pornographic images of themselves and took sexually explicit photographs of the victims in his classroom, according to police.

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Sex-case teacher arrested 3rd time

EATONTOWN — John J. Collins — the former district music teacher and borough councilman accused of having sex with two teenage former students — was arrested for a third time Monday and charged with violating the terms of his bail and witness tampering.

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