TOMORROWKNOWS

THEY'LL GO BEST OUT OF THREE AND CHENEY WILL DO ONE WITH AL-ZARQAWI

Bush Takes Rare Step of Debating Bin Laden - link, reg

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TODAY, MAYBELLINE?


Montgomery confessed that she strangled Stinnett from behind, cut her open, removed the baby and cut her umbilical cord. She also admitted that she lied to her husband about what happened.

"They're very normal country people," said Sandra Bullock*, 45, who lives about a mile down the road from the Montgomerys. "It's too hard to believe."

Several pregnant women have been killed in recent years by attackers who then removed their fetuses, in some cases to pass the children off as their own.

In one of the most recent cases, a 21-year-old woman was shot to death in Oklahoma in December 2003, allegedly by another woman who pretended the 6-month-old fetus was her child. The fetus died and prosecutors are seeking the death penalty.

link

* must be a common name.

NEWS FLASH

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Bloggers have their own Web sites, on which they write frequently updated posts, almost like online diaries. The postings are about current events, culture, technology or their own lives. Many of their postings contain links to relevant sites.

NYT, reg

OPENS UP HIS MOUTH, AND HIS TONGUE FALLS OUT

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I've saved a few jokes for many years, waiting for the perfect opportunity to use them. I'm tired of waiting, so I'm giving them up.

#1.

Boss: See here, I'm tired of you getting your hair cut on company time.

Employee: It grows on company time.

Boss: It doesn't all grow on company time.

Employee: I don't get it all cut off.

I heard this when I was about twelve. It made such a great impression on me that I resolved to try and bring it into the real world, once I actually entered that world myself. So, in all my years in the work force, through all kinds of jobs, I have made it a point to get my hair cut during work time. Yet through these many years, no boss or supervisor has ever said a word to me. I've gone six months between haircuts, come into work looking like Charles Manson, and returned from a two hour lunch shorn down to almost nothing, and gotten no reaction. So, I surrender.

#2.

Lady: (running from her house with a bag of trash) Am I too late for the garbage?

Garbageman: No, hop right in.

I could never envision myself as a parent, a father. I didn't think I had the requisite parent skill set. I couldn't imagine myself checking homework, lying that algebra really would be a help in later life. Diapers, training wheels, bad food, the whole thing didn't appeal to me.

The only thing I had going for me was the garbageman joke. I knew any kid would love it.

So here I am, some years later, with almost a passel of kids. All of whom would probably like a good joke. Unfortunately, we live in such a benighted area that there is no garbage pickup. We have to chauffeur our trash and recyclables to the local "resource center." The poor children have never seen a real garbageman.

This also means I'll never be able to offer the fake vocational advice on considering garbagemanning as an attractive career option since they only have to work two days a week.

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I also have an excellent farmer's daughter joke that I don't think I'll ever be able to tell, anywhere, to anybody.

WOULDN'T YOU THINK SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TAKEN STEPS YEARS AGO?


Country and Western singer Jerry Scoggins, whose baritone rendition of the theme song of "The Beverly Hillbillies" became one of television's favorite tunes, has died in Los Angeles at age 93, his family said on Thursday.

Misel said her father loved singing that song so much that he sang it at least once a day for years and even gave afternoon concerts for her and her classmates when they came home from school.

"He'd sing it at birthdays and anniversaries and variety shows. He never stopped performing it," she said.

link

DOPES "R" US #1


I've never understood the advertising strategm that offers up a product or a place of business as one suitable for idiots, morons, or brain damaged people.

Of course, this isn't a new tactic. I remember the floating Volkswagen from years ago, even though I didn't get it. I didn't drive yet, but still, I couldn't imagine a circumstance in which I'd drive my car into a lake. (And indeed, after some decades of driving, I have avoided this fate.)

I never felt the need for a Volkswagen.

Maybe the runaway success of the "For Dummies" and "For Complete Idiots" book lines has inspired more of this type of sales technique. Whatever the reason, it has really come to forefront lately.

Today's example.

A family is posed in front of a Christmas tree. Granny is taking a picture. But Granny is so addled that she is using a stapler instead of a camera. Hilarious stuff. Alzheimer's? Senile Dementia? Everyone knows that's a laugh a minute.

Cut to a shot of a Staples store. Staples has digital cameras!

Then back to the happy family. The picture session is ongoing. Granny is still using a stapler. My God, I thought I would never stop laughing.

I can hardly wait to run out to Staples and wade my way through mobs of customers who don't know a camera from a stapler. That promises to be a real quality shopping experience.

SPORTSQUOTES OF THE DAY

From a new blog:

"I think we need to find some options, different things to do so that we are not as routine in the things that we do." - Tiki Barber

"We're not shocking people." - Jeremy Shockey (link)

I GUESS KARAOKE NIGHT IS IN PART 3

Who doesn't love a good fish out of water story?