TOMORROWKNOWS

WHY I LOVE AMAZON

As I walk up to the information desk at the Barnes & Noble the perky-faced info. provider breaks off eye contact at the last second and turns to another perky young thing approaching from a side aisle.

InfoProvider: "May I help you?"

PerkyCustomer: "Do you have Wonderland?"

IP: "We may have some at the desk. Do you want me to call and check?"

PC: "Would you?"

IP calls front desk, speaks, hangs up, smiles. "It looks like they're all out. But we are getting more tomorrow. Would you like to order one?"

PC: "Yes, that would be great."

Me: "Jesus Christ."

IP: "Excuse me?"

I walk over to a display and pretend to browse.

IP: "Could I have your name please, for the order?"

Finally, the order appears to be completed. I walk back up to the desk.

PC: "I'm really looking forward to reading this book. I graduated from Pennsbury last year."

IP: That's great."

PC: "So I really know a lot about it."

IP" "I read it already. It's excellent."

Me: "Jesus Christ."

IP: "Excuse me?"

I stare over her head and pretend I didn't say or hear anything.

IP: "Oh, I forgot to tell you, the books that are coming in tomorrow are all special orders. Your book won't be in until three days I think. or more like the end of the week."

PC: "That's fine. I really can't wait to read it." She leaves.

Me: Jesus Christ."

IP: "Excuse me?"

Me: "Can you tell me what books you have by David Rees?"

IP: "Excuse me?"

Me: "Do you have any books by David Rees? That's Rees: R E E S."

IP: "The last name was what?"

Me: "Rees. R E E S."

IP: "Are you looking just for new books?"

Me: "Could you please just tell me what books you have by him?"

IP: "We have Get Your War On."

Me: "Do you have anything else by Rees?"

IP: "I'd have to check."

Me: "Would you check?"

IP purses lips, stares at scrolling screen. "We also have Get Your War On 2."

Me: "Where would I find that?"

IP: "It's coming out in October. Would you like to order it?"

Me: "No, thank you. Do you have anything else by David Rees?"

IP: "I just told you sir, we have Get Your War On."

Me: "Jesus Christ."

IP: "Excuse me?"

Me: "Where would I find that title?"

IP rolls her eyes and snorts. "It's right at the end of this row." Pauses for effect and delivers knockout line for the benefit of other customers: It's in the COMICS section."

I walk to the end of the row. No comics section. There is a GRAPHIC NOVELS section. It's a little hard to work through as the titles seem to be filed by superhero/protagonist rather than by author, but I make my way. No David Rees there, however. The humor section is adjacent. Books filed alphabetically by author here, so it's easy to not find Rees there.

I leave empty-handed. Another lunch hour stolen.